By Neopagan Expert, Platinum Crowjackal
We all have dealt with psychic vampires in one form or another. They usually come in the form of people who syphon away our positive energies. But they can even come in the form of institutions and pets.
When you wake up up on the wrong side of the bed and there doesnt seem to be any other reason for your bad awaking mood, it is probably because there is some kind of psychic vampire in your bed. Perhaps if you switch to a laundry detergent that contains less psychic vampires you will be better off. If it turns out that it is not your detergent, then please sacrifice your bed in a ritual burning to Loth-nor immediately as the wooden fibers of your bed might be ridden with psychic vampire parasites. Assuming you have already tried changing the sheets of course.
If your friends are dragging you down, it is likely not their personalities because some psychic vampire is around them influencing you. Of course if it really was their personality that was dragging you down, it would be some pychic vampire personality trait. See how useful this theory is? Make sure your friends believe exactly as you do and think like you so they can no longer be a drag. (Drag=influenced by psychic vampire.)
Sometimes if you feel like a store offers too expensive of a good or service it is probably because some psychic vampire is influencing you feel like a store offers too expensive of a good or service it is probably because some psychic vampire is influencing your local market.
Ritualistically invest in goldline.com and help rid the market of psychic vampire fiat value money. Also if you invest at goldline, you will get a free golden enema that will cleanse out all the fecal vampires. Psychic vampires do not like gold or gold investment.
Are you having trouble beating your friend at board games? Perhaps it is because the board game is possessed by some pychic vampiric energies. Probably the best way to undo the vampiric energies is to practice playing the board game more and more and when you beat your friend once you know it is working.
Psychic parasites, like psychic vampires, can be a big problem. If your dog seems ill it could be because he/she has psychic heartworms. Make sure you ritualistically bless your dogs heartworm medication with the blood of recently sacrificed toads as western medicine usually only works when used with magick.
Hopefully this helps you to deal with psychic vampires and the various problems that arise from them. Blessed Be!
